Tony Tobin - how to stop the food faux pas

This month, I start with a joke. One day, a pupil at the school for young balloons is caught waving a pin around. He is marched to the Headmaster Balloon who scolds him seriously saying: “Son, you may have thought it was just high spirits but your actions could have let the whole school down.”

I use this particular quip because it always reminds me that something very similar applies to your cooking and entertaining decisions. The legendary chef Nico Ladenis, who I worked with for many years, believed that there are food and wine decisions made in heaven and others that might seem innocuous but are best left in culinary hell – and, if you want the dinner party invitations to keep coming in, it’s best to avoid them. Let’s look at both sides.
 
The greatest meals are those where the courses, the main ingredients, the side dishes, the wine and even the crockery, cutlery and napkins all complement each other perfectly. The mantra you will spot me returning to time and again is that simplicity is the key – avoid fuss and avoid over-egging your pudding in every possible sense.

There are only a few real howlers that you should avoid: the worst that any chef can make by far is to poison his or her guests. So my first two tips are simply this: cook meat well and avoid shellfish and molluscs. Oysters and mussels can be wonderful but if a few bad ones sneak through, you can ruin your guests’ lives (and your own) for a whole week. And with your meat, remember that only whole single cuts of quality beef and lamb can ever be cooked rare. Never cook burgers pink, no matter how expensive they are. In fact, never cook anything pink if it has been through a mincing process (the one exception being steak tartare, which must be minced by hand from a single piece of fillet).

Fish is more forgiving but there are still some classic booboos. You might think that serving a light red wine with meaty tuna steak is fine. However, if you then squeeze lemon juice over the fish to add some piquancy, it will make any red wine taste… well… horrid. Wine can also suffer if it is served too cold. The key is in the tannins. Heavy, dark, dry reds are rich in tannins, which will jar in the mouth if served cold. With the exception of Gamays and light Beaujolais, which can be served chilled with baked fish or a cold beef salad, red wine should be at room temperature at least and perhaps even a degree or two higher.

Another faux pas is serving fancy dishes on fancy plates. A plate is like a frame and your food should be the art, so always choose white crockery or you risk your signature dish looking like a Jackson Pollock creation when you serve it. In a similar vein, also remember to check your cutlery carefully before you lay the table. I have seen people lift a knife and find a sliver of onion stuck to the underside of the blade because the dishwasher has baked it on rather than washing it off.

There are also seasonal errors of judgement to avoid. The classic is strawberries on a winter menu – something that discerning guests will tut at under their breath. In my view, strawberries should be banned after summer. If you serve them up in November, you may as well show their airline ticket at the same time. We have beautiful fruit and veg in England, so use it when it is at its best and not when the supermarket decides to fly it in from thousands of miles away. Great chefs make it their job to know what is good when. English asparagus in May and June, apple pies at the beginning of autumn, beetroot and sprouts in November and December.

Finally, I will bring the sermon to a close with my best tip of all. The greatest faux pas when entertaining is losing control of time. A great meal has timing at its very heart, so my closing tip: if you’re entertaining, always drink less than your guests!

CHRISTMAS
Tony Tobin’s restaurants are now taking bookings for Christmas meals and parties. Make your reservations on 01737 373839 for POST in Banstead and 01737 226650 for The Dining Room in Reigate. Both will be offering special set menus.

Reader question

This month’s reader question comes from D Williams of Reigate and concerns pumpkins – an ingredient that may still be hanging around the home after halloween.
My favourite pumpkin treat is Pumpkin Roll with a cream cheese filling that you can freeze once you’ve made it.

Ingredients: 

• 5oz of chopped pumpkin n 3 eggs 
• A squeeze of lemon juice n A sprinkling of icing sugar 
• 6oz of plain flour n 8oz of cream cheese 
• 1 teaspoon of baking powder n A tablespoon of icing sugar 
• 2 teaspoons of cinnamon n 2oz of butter 
• 1 teaspoon of ginger n ½ teaspoon of vanilla essence 
• A good pinch of nutmeg and salt n A blob of mascarpone
• A cup of white sugar

Method: 

• Take the eggs and white sugar and beat them well. Then blend in the chopped pumpkin and a squeeze of lemon juice. 
• Use another bowl and mix the plain flour, baking powder, cinnamon, ginger and a good pinch of nutmeg and salt. 
• When mixed well, add them into the egg mixture and keep stirring. 
• Spread the mixture onto greaseproof paper smeared with butter in a 12 inch baking plan and bake at 350 ° for 15 minutes. 
• Then, remove from the oven and allow to cool for 10 minutes before sprinkling with icing sugar and waiting another 10 minutes. At this point, roll it up in a towel and put it to one side. 
• Next, beat together the cream cheese and 2oz of butter, stirring in a tablespoon of icing sugar and ½ teaspoon of vanilla essence. 
• When this is a smooth paste, unroll the pumpkin cake and spread it evenly all over. 
• Roll the whole thing up, wrap in clingfilm and pop it in the fridge for at least an hour before slicing it up like a swiss roll and serving with a blob of mascarpone. Absolutely delicious!

Tony Tobin has been a regular on the BBC’s Ready Steady Cook for over a decade, competing on the show over 200 times. He has also hosted shows for the Carlton Food Channel. He runs two acclaimed restaurants in Surrey: The Dining Room in Reigate and POST in Banstead.

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